I feel like shit today. Besides everything else being shitty...I have to be fucking sick. I can hardly even see. I had like double vision all fucking day. I just want to be happy today but there's nothing I could think of that would cheer me up. I keep pretending to be happy for everyone else today, but I feel so fake. It seems that I will never change. I think too negatively.

Oh well...who the hell cares anyhow???

I just want a fucking cigarrette right now. Fucking jesus christ is that too much to fucking ask for? I just don't want to be here anymore...I'm going to have to sit here with my fucking dad all night b/c my mom is going bowling...this is going to fucking suck.

I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs...or fucking find a way to take all my pain away. I feel like dying...Like I'm nothing. Fuck it.

stop my whining now...

later days

Jamie