Speaking to the atmosphere no one's here and I fall into myself..

12:24 p.m.-2003-11-17 | No changing love

This w/e was ok. I went to the mall with nina friday. then i went to mike's to play cards with ryan, johanna, angie, ducky, timmy, joey, brandon, tara, and some other kid. then we went to perkins to play when mike's mom kicked us out. saturday i worked then i went to mike's with nina and hung out with him duck and ryan. then yesterday I worked then went to see Finger 11 at the Odeon with Tara Tonya and some Joe kid. It was kickass. I crowd surfed for my first time-twice. hell yeah. I came out with my back all scrathed up on one side and some bruises. hell yeah.

any how. I'm sposed to cut Kiley's hair today (some girl i work with) and shit but she hasn't called me yet. hmm. oh yeah no school today!!! yah.

so when I was at mike's on saturday I sat there and talked to ryan for a while. Of course we talked about the obvious. I'm real sick of Mike being a dick to me when he knows I'm hurt. I mean yeah he can be cool sometimes and shit but other times I wish I could just fuckinghurt him like he hurts me. I don't even thing he realizes he does it either. But I could be in a totally good mood and then he has to say or do something rude to change my entire lookout on the day. god. and it sucks seeing him look at other girls. blah to him.w/e. if he wants to be with other skanks who would never be as good as me then i can't change him. i just wish i could. no use crying over something I'll never change...I can't make him love me.

later days

Jamie

...immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears...