Speaking to the atmosphere no one's here and I fall into myself..

7:53 p.m.-2003-08-16 | no more emotions...

So I'm sitting here all alone once again. Just thinking. I am so sick of being alone. But I'm afraid to trust anyone. I just want to feel for someone the same way I see my friends are with their boyfriends. When will it be my turn to be happy?? I'm real sick of it. I just want to be with someone and be happy. ya know? Why does it seem that the ones I go after fuck me over. I suppose I set myself up for it though. But no more. I will not let myself get hurt again. I just want happiness...is that too much to ask? I just don't want to be alone anymore...

Anyhow. I changed my profile and changed the poem that was in it. Always fun.

God I feel like such a loser. I son't have anything to write about. I went to that family reunion today and got told "how beautiful i was" from everyone and i got to listen to my mother tell everyone what the "perfect" daughter I am. GOD DAMN I am so sick of that shit. *rolls eyes.

anyhow. so bored here at home. wish someone would come over here. yeah i'm like the only one I know home alone on a saturday. yah.

Maybe I'll just wait for nolan to call me then go to bed and hope for good dreams. that seems to be all i have to look foward to anyhow.

I feel so numb right now. Not happy, not sad...just numb. Maybe I've felt so much pain from all this shit going on in my life that now I can no longer feel anything. that's how i feel right now. I feel like I can feel nothing if that makes sense to any of you. fuck it.

well nothing makes sense anyhow...

later days

Jamie

...immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears...