Anyhow Nina Johanna and me went to the fair tonight then to the strip. It was fun...nice to see a lot of ppl I hadn't talked to in a while. At the strip Nina and me sang "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" kareoke (sp?). We rocked. lol.

Anyhow. Thinking a lot today. What else is new? I am so sick of being alone. I see my friends with their b/f's or g/f's and it sux. I wish I could find someone that I could be with ya know? The only person I really wanna be with isn't the same towards me anymore. I wish that I could just go back to the way things were before. Ya know. I was happy with him. Real happy. I can't imagine being that happy with anyone else nowadays b/c I know I'm still hung up over him. wtf? Why can't I just fucking wake up realizing I have no chance? That I'm just wasting my time. Or I could wake up not thinking about him. Ya know? I mean I am better about it. The more and more he shoves me away the more and more I'm facing facts. But I can't help still feeling soooo god damn much and just hoping that he realizes he's passing up a fucking good opportunity to be with someone who truell cares about him and would never hurt him. But then again I'm not sure if he's even the same person he was before. Okay the thing that bothers me is he told me how much he cared about me the first time and all that then dumped me without a second thought b/c he HEARD I did something behind his back. Just b/c he heard it. I mean if he could hurt me so easily once...I dunno if I could handle him hurting me again. Oh I don't know what to think anymore. Why do I bother? Why do I do this to myself?

I am soooo stupid sometimes.... And I'm real sick of talking about Matthew so hmmm

I'm such a loser....

Was sposed to go see Erase the Grey tommorrow night but now we have no ride so once again I'll prolly just go toour fucking boring strip. woohoo. damn.

well fuck it....

later days

Jamie