Speaking to the atmosphere no one's here and I fall into myself..

4:25 p.m.-2003-06-26 | Confusion, late night walks, and no lisense...

I am so confused right now...when aren't I? But once again I don't wanna write it in here for fear of people knowing my true feelings. So I'll bottle it up inside. This is killing me though. I hate this pain. Why can't anything ever work out like I wish it would? Why do I have to feel this shitty everyday? I try to cover it up and make everyone around me think I'm happy...but I know deep down that I am screaming. I try to do things to occipy myself and forget all this shit but then I sit down and think about it like I am now. Why can't I just figure out what I need to...to get over this?

Anyhow...Nina and me went to the beach yesterday. Nolan was there so we hung out with him. It was fun. I got sun burnt but now it's a tan... lol Jamie's tan....I'm loing my ghostly charm...sadness sadness lol.naw my tan is cute cuz only my shoulders, arms, and chest are...not my stomach or my legs or anything...lol hahaha..I'm a zebra! lol J/P

So last night Nina the night ya know and we snuck out to Doug's agian. We sat up at the school waiting for Vince for like an hour though. lol. Then we got there and it was only Nina, Doug, Tim and me. We smoked some, drank some...I had a nice buzz going. But then we had to walk home at 5:30 in the morning... yeah again!! lol. It sucked but it was cool. So my dad say us walking back in through the fence at 6 this morning (yeah we got there quicker then when Jessica and me walked lol) but we told my mom we stayed up all night and went for a walk. I am sooo tired though. My sis Jenna woke me up at 2 and pissed me off sice I hadn't slept for two days

So Johanna, Nina, and I are sposed to go to Peabody's in Cleveland to see Erase the Grey play...hell yeah I hope we find a ride up there on a real note.

Yeah I'm talking to Nina righ tnow and I don't think we're gonna get a ride up there...Fuck man I really wanted to go. We woulda gotten to meet the band and everything. We're trying to talk her sister into it...*crosses fingers lol.

So I think I'm gonna finally get my lazt ass up and take that shower I've been meaning to and have a ciggerette. For real that sounds great. Espacially since everyone I was talking to has left me. lol. Hmm...

later days

Jamie

...immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears...