Today was okay until about now. I took some pill a friend of mine gave me and it's fuckering me up. I dunno. Think I'm going to quit this shit. Not like I do it that often anyhow. Blah.

Real unhappy right now. I don't want to be sitting here all alone like the loser that I am. I wish Nolan was still here. I miss him a lot. I wrote him a letter and said how I pretty much gained and lost a best friend over the duration of a summer. It sucks. I just wish someone was here with me.

I just want to die. I wish I had the strength to kill myself. Like I fucking matter anyhow. And anyone who reads this, don't lecture me. I'm depressed and this is how I talk when I'm sad. So fuck off.

Here's a poem I wrote last night.

RAIN

I scream.

echoing down the black corridors,

emptyness sorrounds me,

the eternal silence overpressing.

I fall.

my face covered in mud and silent tears,

my heart beats so fast I fear it may explode,

pounding in my ears I cannot rest.

Blindness.

no lights to lead my way,

I am alone; lost without a sense of direction,

everywhere I turn is a dead end.

I die.

alone, quivering in my blood,

I feel my last breath approaching; I leave my body,

soar above my scarred mangled courpse.

I cry.

My tears come down as rain,

pouring outside your window,

so maybe you will finally hear me.

Okay...I like that one. Anyhow. I want to go have a cigarette and I don't have much else to say...or at least not much that I feel comfortable saying in here...

OMG...as soon as I get a boyfriend is when all these guys decide to talk to me and call me and shit. wtf? i don't understand guys at all. why not talk to me when I'm single???? blah to them...I'm happy with Mike!! <3

"It comes so easy when you get to the part where you're breaking my heart." -Madonna

later fucking days

Jamie