I have the imagination of a child. Sometimes I think this is a good thing. But other times I feel I dream too much.

Speaking of dreams, I've been dreaming every night for the past few weeks. And they're always so vivid and I can remember them which I find odd. What am I trying to tell myself? Matthew wrote me the other day and told me how he dreampt about me three nights in a row and how I was overdosing and being raped in them. Scary, eh? Especially since I hadn't heard anything from or about him since Doug's Halloween party last year.

That's what I need. To fucking go to a party. This summer had sucked majorly. I mean I've partied and shit, but not been to a party at all. I'm so sick of this shit. I'm sick of having no friends. I don't understand what I did that was that horrible. I mean people still talk to me and shit, but it's not the same. All I truelly have is Kevin and sometimes that scares me. He mighy be going down to Georgia at the end of August and who will I have then???

Man my birthday sucked this year. It was so depressing. Only one more year though...got to keep that in mind.

I want some drugs...I have been sober for too fucking long...I wouldn't be if stupid asshole wouldn't have ran off with my thirty dollars and returned with nothing. Have to go harass him again today...I think this is day 4 of this shit. grrr. I fucking hate people.

Kevin and I were talking a long time ago about this and I just happen to be thinking about it. We were saying how you shouldn't get close to anyone but your s/o because friends just end up fucking you over. And that's so true. I don't have one close friend that hasn't fucked me over one way or another....except Nolan. I miss him soooooo much.

well better go spend time with poopie pants up there...he's playing horrible music. Can't allow that.

later days

Jamie