I'm tired of feeling this pain. I'm tired of being hurt by the people I trust and love. I even more I'm tired of feeling I have no one there.

I awoke this morning with the thought of someone stabbing me in the heart with a knife and me choking on my own blood. I almost gagged from the mear thought...but I realized how much I was hurting. I mean if I fucking woke up with that being the first thought in my head...something's not right.

w/e like it matters what I feel. I come and confide most of my thoughts and feelings to this journal but I still don't know why. It doesn't solve anything and it usually makes me more depressed. And who really gives a fuck what I feel or think anyhow? I'm seriousley thinking abuot leaving diaryland for an extensive time period.

There is too much fucking drama...why bother going on with it anyhow? What do I have worth staying for? I keep asking for help but it seems like no one answers...or even cares. Fuck it. I should stop whining now right??? yeah...damn this fucking world to hell.

"Our scars have to power to remind us the past was real" -Hannibal Lecter (Red Dragon)

later days

Jamie