Speaking to the atmosphere no one's here and I fall into myself..

10:12 p.m.-2003-06-20 | Sitting here alone once again...

Hey...today was an okay day I guess. I didn't end up falling asleep last night till like 7-8 in the morning and my sisters woke me up at 2. So I went over to Jamie's and hung out with her all day. We walked up to the mall so she could get a phone card and when we were walking into the mall we caught a bird. How fucking cool is that? So we carried it throught the mall. Mike and Matt were there so I showed them it and Mike held it and let it go. So Jamie went and caught it again. So we just let it go. I t was soooo cute! lol. That sounded really lame. Hmm. Yeah got to see Matthew. I pretended like it didn't bother me...but it did. I was hoping he wouldn't be there. B/c I get in a shitty mood after I see him. So I tried to cheer Jamie and me up. She was pissy that Matt was being such a dick. *shrugs. So yeah we went back to her house then I walked home and I've been here ever since.

I'm waiting for Nina to come over and it's pissing me off cuz I don't know where she is. Her dad said she's somewhere with her mom. I've been asking her to stay the night with me for the past three nights and due to certain circumstances she hasn't been able to. So today she was definently coming over and she's still not here. I hope she shows up. I'd be pissed if she doesn't. I am sooo sick of sitting here alone every fucking night. For real. dunno...

So my mother took my sisters and is staying the night at my aunt's house in mentor tonight so I get the house to myself. How cool is that? I mean, my father will be home and all...but he doens't give much a fuck about me. So I pretty much AM home alone. Yeah, that means my mother is starting to trust me again. Maybe she'll lighten up. Hmm...she seriously has been pissing me off lately. I don't want to admit it b/c crying is such a weakness to me...but she made me cry yesterday. She's been stressing me out so much latley I just couldn't hold them in any longer. Of course I waited till I was alone in my room. I just can't stand much more of her b/s. I CAN'T HANDLE STRESS SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

For real.well enough bitching for me today...

later days...

Jamie

...immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears...