8:45 a.m.-2003-09-05 | I deserve to feel so much more...
I feel so ignorant right now. Like I knew this sorta shit would happen. Maybe that's why I wasn't that suprised. I mean, I'm used to people hurtingme anyhow right? But I don't deserve this type of shit. I don't deserve to be cheated on. That's so unfair. While I lay in bed sick as fucking hell, my boyfriend is out getting head from some slutty bimbo who had no fucking self-respect or morals. She isn't half the person I am. It absoluttly disgusts me. I feel like nothing...I feel like complete shit. Why do I keep getting treated like this? And why the hell do I fucking take it? This is such fucking bullshit...and worse..I saw it coming.So I get to sit at home sick again today. I hurt so bad. Just everywhere. I can hardly move. I just want to die. I want to talk to Nina. I want this shit that Mike did yesterday to just disappear like it never fucking happened. blah.
My dad finally left. You know he'll be back. They say for good...but it never is. I won't get my hopes up. Oh and guess who just called. God I'm good. He says I love you like he means it. Yeah ok, 16 yrs I get treated like shit and all of a sudden you love me? right.
So sick of all the pain I endure, when I deserve to feel so much more...
later days
Jamie
