Speaking to the atmosphere no one's here and I fall into myself..

4:39 a.m.-2004-07-16 | I'm still here

Numbness...from the lack of sleep and food..the blow that eats away at my little body. This is the time where I reflect my thoughts. I am alone so I can let all emotions out. I feel confused. I am feeling too much right now. Happiness because of Kevin, sadness for all my pain, paranoia because of drugs, anger because of ignorance, drained from lack of sleep, achey from no food...and so much more. I feel like everything hits me at once.

I have decided how to try to change certain things. For one, I'm not going to cry over things anymore. I cannot change what has happened, I can only learn from it. Everything is an experience and I continue growing from it. I realize I take more from it than I lose. I never saw that, but now I do. There's something good that comes from every bad thing...you just have to find it and hold on to it. Learn from it. Mistakes are made throughout a lifetime...you can't dwell on them. Sure I'll get sad...I'll be angry.. but I have to remember how to deal with these emotions and not let them control my life...

later days

Jamie

...immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears...